When the Overqualified Black Woman Wasn’t Enough

Y’all, for the first time in decades, the Democrats lost the popular election. And for about a week, I wasn’t myself. I worked out too hard, woke up too early, ate too much, and cried too often. I was CRASHING OUT. A whole lot was on my mind. And let me tell you upfront: this article is kind of like a note catcher where all the thoughts I’ve had can come out because maybe you’ve had them too. But this is what's been on my mind: 

• Thinking about having more kids? It’s valid to wonder, “Is it even safe?” And if we’re being honest, it’s never really been safe. But now, as abortion rights and women’s rights stay up for debate—especially if you’ve already had difficult pregnancies—it’s okay to feel unsure.

• Have daughters? Maybe you’re asking yourself, “How do I build her self-esteem? How do I teach her to see her worth when a supremely qualified woman wasn’t enough, and the man who won was… just that—a man?” When racism and sexism won the day. 

• Have sons? Maybe you’re worrying about what “full police immunity” means when it’s time to sit him down for the talk. Maybe, this is true if you have a husband or male-identifying partner  

• Have non-binary or trans or queer children? I can’t blame you for wondering what these creeps will do. Will the bathroom ban make it?

• Believe in public schools? It’s tough to imagine teaching our kids reading, writing, and arithmetic (like they used to say) in a system that’s constantly under attack.

And the truth is these questions can go on and on and on and on until you get so anxious and nervous you’re doom scrolling or using whatever poor coping skills. Unfortunately, you can only control yourself. As I talked to older women who sang hymns or quoted scriptures (it did blow me at first) I realized something: I CAN ONLY CONTROL MYSELF cue Being Mary Jane's mirror affirmations

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed thinking about how we’re going to make it from 2025 to 2029. It’s okay to be angry, confused, hurt, and let down by everyone who ain’t us. Because let’s not forget: 92% of us did what we needed to do. We voted where it counted, when it counted, and how it counted.

So, what’s next? Here’s what I’m doing—and maybe it’ll help you create, trust, grow, glow, manifest, and heal:

1. Seek Black providers for your health and your family’s: Find physicians, caregivers, doulas— people who get you and see you and will care for your mind, body, and soul with the gentleness and care you deserve.

2. Plug into community: Sororities, neighborhood associations, alumni chapters—whatever fills your cup and brings you joy. This joy is crucial when you're faced with bleak situations.

3. Get moving: Run, walk, skate, bike, barre, pilates, yoga—whatever you like. Movement helps. Trust me on that.

4. Log off for the inauguration: Maybe you need to log off RIGHT NOW because all you’re doing is reading about the anti-vaxxer as a Cabinet pick. It's not healthy.

5. Binge good things: I'm watching Living Single and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit and Brandy’s Cinderella on rerun. I can't even watch Avatar Airbender because it's just too political. Whatever it is, the news will find its way to me chile!

6. Have a loved one on the other side: BLOCK them, they are uninvited to the holidays. Maybe in a couple of years or decades they can come back around but not now. 

The point is: We’ve always found a way, and we will again. We’ve survived worse. And we’ll keep surviving, thriving, and making a way out of no way! That’s what we do!